


Brownies

by Fishyz9



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 19:39:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1790833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fishyz9/pseuds/Fishyz9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: I asked for a prompt from Jen and she gave me Sonny baking midnight brownies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brownies

Today wasn’t such a great day. It didn’t have to be such a big deal because I should be coping better than this, but it’s really starting to hit home for me just how much of a staple Gabi was in our little family unit.

I wrote a total of three pages today because Arianna just would not settle, but I shouldn’t expect her to settle and be fine, not so soon after her mother has been taken away from her. The absence is still being felt by her little heart but she doesn’t understand why she’s sad, neither does she know how to ask, she just feels it.

And who does she have to comfort her? _Me_.          

Sonny’s awesome and is totally 100% there for me and our girl, but I made the mistake of letting all the noise and fear build up in my head and I snapped at him. I snapped at the man who is doing everything in his power to keep us going.

I was so exhausted, you see. Not so much physically, but emotionally. I was exhausted from having to comfort an upset little girl, at having to wipe away the tears of a child who’s grieving without even being aware of it. All he did was ask me to look for his cheque book for when he came home at lunch and I just blew up at him over the phone. I yelled at him for not being here, telling him that I didn’t care how short-staffed he was. I held the phone out towards Ari’s crib where she cried, I told him I had more important things to be doing than playing helper, and then like the jerk I am I hung up on him.

Needless to say he didn’t callback or drop by for lunch. I texted him, tentative and apologetic, and he was accepting in his response but distant. Later in the evening he let me know he was running late, but that was it. No explanation and no “don’t wait up for me”, so I went to bed and when he did come home? I was too ashamed to say anything to him; I kept my eyes closed and faked being asleep so that I wouldn’t have to look at my beautiful husband who I had treated so poorly.

I laid with my back to him and I can’t tell you how much it hurt when he climbed in and didn’t cuddle up behind me like he usually does, but I have no right to complain about it. So here we are; lying with a foot of cold sheets and space between us.

 I know I don’t deserve it, but …I just want to be held by him so badly. I slowly roll over onto my back and even though I can tell by his breathing that he’s awake, he doesn’t move. He just lies there facing away from me, practically on the edge of the mattress like he can’t stand me. I’m mortified when I feel a lump form in my throat, and even more so when I feel a hot tear slide down my cheek.

I shouldn’t because he obviously wants his space, but I inch closer to him. I even see him begin to lift his head from his pillow like he’s about to look back at me, but then he stops himself and settles back down. I inch closer still until I can rest my brow against the nape of his neck, and I let the backs of my fingers brush against his spine.

“Baby?” I whisper, my hand feather-like at his waist as I shimmy closer, wanting to be flush against him, but then his hand closing over mine brings me to a halt.

“Don’t.”

I’m left momentarily stunned. I think I can actually feel something tear through my chest, like a crack through pavement when he pushes my hand away. “Sonny?” I ask in utter bewilderment, I mean I know he’s mad, but…

“Just don’t.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “Please just…come here.” I try to move closer, to pull him into my arms but he shoulders my touch away.

“We’ll talk in the morning, just get some sleep.”

The last time I felt this rejected was when he told me to get out of his apartment two years ago. That was a lifetime ago, but the feeling is exactly the same. His words sting, and feeling embarrassed and slightly adrift I do what he wants and move away. In fact I roll completely away from him, giving him the space he wants.

The best thing to do right now would be to just go to sleep and hopefully talk in the morning, like he said, but I feel so alone and like such an idiot that it becomes a nightmare to just try and stay quiet in the already silent room.

My eyes burn hot and I need to sniff but I don’t dare. I quickly wipe the dampness on my cheeks away with the heel of my hand and curl in on myself, gritting my teeth and repeating in my head. _Grow up. Grow up. He doesn’t hate you. Grow up_. But it doesn’t work. In an effort to clamp down on the downward spiral of self-hatred running through my head my breath accidentally catches and I feel the mattress shift slightly behind me. I immediately hold my breath, but I can picture him leaning up just enough to look back over his shoulder.

“Will?” Sonny whispers, sounding puzzled.

“Hmm?” Is all I can manage without giving myself away.

“Are you…?”

I quickly wipe at my eyes again and he must have been watching because he’s immediately behind me,  the warmth of his body pressed against my back as his hand on my arm tries to encourage me to roll over towards him, but I pull away, mortified.

“Oh Will…” he whispers harshly. “Will, I’m sorry…”

For some reason him apologizing to me makes me feel worse and even more of a failure, and this pathetic, choked off sound escapes my throat as he cuddles me close.

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” he murmurs to me, his arm pulling me in against him and holding me there.  “Who the hell am I to be holding grudges and pushing you away, I didn’t even want to do that.” His hand strokes over my hair and he presses his lips to my temple. “Please don’t…” he says, his voice more remorseful than I’ve ever heard it. “Please, Will. I can’t be the one to make you cry, I’m sorry.”

“ _Don’t_.” I choke out.

“Don’t what? Touch you?” He says softly, a note of sadness in his voice.

I sniff harshly and take a gulp of air. “Don’t say sorry. It’s me, it’s all me…”

“No, baby this is hard on both of us, it’s not just―”

“I’m the one…” I begin, pausing to take a breath and wet my lips. “I’m the one, it’s me…”

“I don’t―”

“ _I’m_ the crappy father, the crappy husband, it’s me who…”

“Hey now,” he says quickly. “Come here.”

He doesn’t give me the chance to pull away. He rolls me over and pulls me against his chest, his hand cradling the back of my head.  I cave-in against him, hiding my face against his neck.

“It was a snippy argument over the phone, that’s all.”

“No it wasn’t, I was horrible to you.”

“Well, yeah…” he says with hint of amusement in his voice. “But we’re both feeling the pressure, Will.”

“You haven’t snapped at me, you don’t do that.  I’m the one who can’t comfort his own daughter. I’m the one who takes it out on the most perfect, understanding person ever. I mean, trust me to make even the most patient and sweetest of guys sick of the sight of me in a matter of weeks when left alone with me―”

“Whoa!” he pulls back, tipping my chin up. “What the _hell_ , Horton.”

I can tell just by the look in his eyes that he’s baffled and that I’m a hundred conversations ahead of him at this moment.

“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice breaking. “Just don’t go, okay?”

“Have you lost your mind? I’m annoyed, not stupid.”

“I always say and do the wrong thing…”

“You do occasionally have verbal diarrhea but that doesn’t mean I’m going to suddenly leave, it just means we’re going to argue a little bit and then make up.”

“I’m sorry I was so horrible today, it was unforgivable.”

He sighs and then pulls me close again to drop a kiss on the crown of my head. “You know what you are?”

“Pathetic?” I mumble into his neck, sniffing loudly.

“ _No_ ―I wish you’d stop that. You’re my husband. My adorable, sometimes short-sighted, beautiful husband who occasionally has bafflingly low self-esteem.”

“It’s not baffling, Sonny. I’m screwing this up.”

“No, you’re not. We are all of us hurting here, Will. We have a little girl who is―for now―very unhappy, and there’s not much we can do about it until she gets used to Gabi being gone. The only problem is that I’m at the club more to make up for the two barmen who quit on me last week, which means you’re left with the toughest job of all.”

“What’s that?”

He tips my chin up again. “Having to listen to our daughter cry like her heart is broken.” I see him swallow hard. “She’s not hungry, she’s not teething, she’s just heartbroken, Will, and there’s nothing we can do about it but try our best to fill in the gaps.”

“I’m terrified that we’re not enough for her.”

“I’ll be here more soon, I promise. I’m trying my best to change our circumstances, to support you, I promise you I am.”

I clutch him close “You deserve so much better.”

“Exactly what have I got to do to prove that I love my life with you? I mean I already married you, you want me to knock you up or something?”

I manage a small, watery laugh at that, and I feel him practically sag in relief. He runs his hands over my shoulders, pressing his lips into my hair. “I’m sorry I pushed you away,” he says in a slightly more serious tone. “That was as bad as you snapping at me over the phone. From now on we only yell at each other in person, and we never go to bed or leave the room without fixing it first.”

“Deal,” I whisper.

“I can’t have you doubting your place in my heart, Will. Not anymore. No matter how loud the yelling gets, you have to _just know_ that no matter how angry I am with you it’s nothing compared to how much I love you.”

“I’m really going to try my best; I guess that just deep down I still can’t believe that I have you. That you’re mine forever and that you’re doing this with me. You’re raising Arianna with me.”

“That’s because I’m her dad, too.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I really do understand why you snapped, Will. Listening to her cry like that is gut-wrenching; I just didn’t like being spoken to that way―like I’m the enemy.”

“I’m so sorry for that.”

“I know, think nothing more of it. You apologized and I accepted, it’s done.”

I snuggle in against him, accepting the comfort that just the warmth of his skin against mine provides. “I knew it was going to be hard adjusting without her, I just…”

“Yeah, I know.” He rubs the length of my arm. “I guess I thought…I mean I don’t know about you, but I think I never really anticipated how difficult this would be because of how much we love each other. Some naive part of my brain thought that the love would get us through it. Turns out that while the love helps, so would a little more planning and organization of our schedules.”

“I don’t want Arianna to hurt, I _hate_ that she’s so sad…”

“I know. Just remember what Marlena said, time really does help.”

I trail my thumb along his jawline and breathe in the scent of him, and then I quietly admit something― the little extra thing that has me torn up. “I miss my friend.” I whisper.

“I know, baby.”

“All the small things,” I start. “All her hair products in the bathroom, her yelling at me in a language I can’t understand…”

“She was―she _is_ a good friend.”

“Not to everyone.” I mumble, thinking of Melanie.

“Well, there’s that.”

I let out a heavy sigh, feeling drained.

“I can be your best friend, Will.” He says quietly and to my amazement with a hint of longing in his voice.

I look up at him. “You already are, just in a big love of my life kind of way.”

He smiles at that and drops a soft kiss to my lips.  “Thank you.”

“You know you’re my only one. Well, you and Ari. You’re both everything to me.”

He hums in agreement, lazily running his fingers through my hair. “Feeling better?” He murmurs.

“Yes.” I press my lips to his chest. “Thank you. And I’m sorry. And thank you.”

I feel him shake his head as he lets out a quiet, exasperated laugh. “You’re insane, Horton.”

“I know, but we’re married now so backing out of this.”

“Yes sir.”

The feel of his fingertips against my scalp relaxes me, but there’s just the tiniest part of me that can’t unwind.

“There’s still something bothering you…”

“No. It’s just worry. Worry and…I don’t know, a bit of sadness, I guess.”

He’s quiet for a few moments before his hand stills in my hair. “You know when we were saying what we’d miss about her…?”

I look up at him. “Yeah?”

“Do you want to…?”

I frown at him. “Watch the Kardashians? No thank you.”

He snorts quietly. “No dweeb, the other thing.”

I think for a second, and then I feel the beginnings of a smile creep over my lips. “Midnight brownies?”

“Do you want to? I mean I think we’re both pretty awake now…”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“On whether we’re making brownies or _you’re_ making brownies.”

He smiles at me and then pulls my hand that was resting on his chest to his lips, kissing my palm. “You can watch. You can even lick the bowl.”

I feel that last small part of me slowly unwind.

 


End file.
